


I Can Hear it Calling

by PrincessGleam



Series: May We Find Peace [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Good Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Memory Loss, Memory Loss Recovery, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Multi, Nightmares, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, canon divergence with mcu plot elements, pretty much everyone is a good bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 06:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessGleam/pseuds/PrincessGleam
Summary: Steve returns home following his recovery after the events of DC with Sam following. He's unsure what he's about to be met with as he's returning home after a month and a half away, knowing a lot's happened in the tower, but his mind's also heavy with needing to find Bucky.Reading part one is highly recommended to read part two.





	I Can Hear it Calling

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, sorry it's been so long, i've been busy irl and i really wanted to get a good direction for the plot for this going before i started writing it. anyone else both excited and not excited for endgame? i've been in this weird state with it for the last year and honestly i'm just ready to Know.
> 
> i'm also currently looking for a beta. if you're interested please comment below and i'll give you my contact information and we can discuss what i'm looking for!
> 
> as always, i hope you enjoy the chapter and this part!

Something that was familiar, but definitely didn’t make Steve nostalgic, with before he went into the ice was press. Yes, things only got easier for them and more widespread, but the flash of a camera was just as blinding and annoying as it was back then. He got it far more now, wartime hardly a time to fawn over a vigilante - which he really didn’t think he was - and he was too busy doing things classified to get any attention. At least as soon as he’d been able to ditch the monkey act. Now, no matter what he did really, there was always an opportunity to get hounded.

And they were waiting at the tower. It only made sense, but a morning flight from DC to New York following a rough - which is understating it - couple of weeks really didn’t agree with the influx of questions he got getting out of the taxi. The dumping of SHIELD and Hydra fies Natasha did had it’s expected consequences: people knew things they weren’t intended to know. Which, in the end, Steve feels a bit hypocritical for feeling annoyed over because he’s continually thought - which at times he’s made vocal - that secrecy and the “need to know” approach to knowledge isn’t right. It’s just that when part of the information is easier to access than most and people ran with only a small piece of a much bigger and complicated picture, misinformation spread.

Well, not exactly misinformation, but only exploitation of the surface which lead to the questions his ears managed to pick out amid the loud congested sound of everyone.

“Did you know one of your teammates was a trained weapon from childhood?” one woman asked to his left.

Sam moved from his front to his side. He was sure he couldn’t ever express how grateful he was that he decided to come along for the madness. Steve was sure he might’ve in the reverse, but he also knows he’s a bit masochistic. Maybe Sam had that same masochism, but Steve knew his loyalty was deeper than that, loyalty to someone who’d really only given him multiple attempts on his life and some major inconveniences in the short time they knew each other. And this loyalty only promised the man more strife as he promised Steve he’d help him find Bucky.

“Is your past with the mentioned Winter Soldier going to stop you from bringing him in?” a man shouts from the back of the small crowd.

There was no Winter Soldier to bring in, so really Steve wanted to say “no.” He was naive enough to think because he was pulled from the water that the Winter Soldier was no more, but not naive enough to think this all was going to be as simple as finding him and finding Bucky at the same time. He had to remember something, to hold his last punch and save him, but, though it was enough to give him hope, he knew not to expect that when he found him, he’d suddenly remember all the times he saved him from almost all alleys within a twenty block radius of where either of them lived.

Somehow Sam seemed to be in front, at his sides, and bringing up the rear all at once, amazing in the short sidewalk space between curb and the entrance of the tower. He felt him bump into him a little and he realized he was two steps shy of the door, thinking too hard about the past.

“Why were you housing the war criminal, Loki, before his death?” another man asks, sounding a bit to close.

He looked behind him and sees a man trying to reach his phone around Sam who gripped his suitcase in one hand, backpack across his shoulders, other hand and arm being used to hold two more reporters back, looking like a mix of unamused and confused, which Steve hadn’t even been sure was possible until that point. Shaking his head, he reached for the door, pushing it open, glad to find it was already unlocked, holding the door for Sam as they both slid inside the small entry before the next door.

“JARVIS, he’s with me,” Steve said, putting his hand on the second door’s handle.

“Am I permitted to run a quick background check on you, Mr. Wilson?”

He was quiet for a moment so Steve looked at him again and saw him staring at the floor, clearly thinking about something.

Steve opened his mouth to just ask JARVIS if it was really necessary since he could vouch for Sam, but the other man spoke first, “So, you guys were keeping Loki around like as a prisoner?”

“No… uh, more like giving him sanctuary.” Steve expected him to get more confused or frustrated, but he said nothing. “I thought you knew by now with the information release.”

“I tend to avoid news I know’s gonna piss me of.” It would’ve been a little too surreal hearing about himself on the news and in the off chance they said something obnoxious about him, best to avoid it and have Steve or someone fill him in later. And even not knowing about the whole Loki thing, he still didn’t regret his choice to avoid it. “So, skipping the explanation, he’s dead? You guys did a terrible job giving him sanctuary.”

Steve looked a little sad about that, doing that thing where he stood tall, normal, but you could watch him cave in on himself a little. Sam had seen quite a lot of it in the short time they knew each other to kinda kick himself for causing it. The truth was, he’d thought Loki was actually alive because of lack of accurate information that the press seemed to have and Steve didn’t really act like anyone died.

“It’s for that reason Mr. Stark is requesting a background check.”

Sam sighed, nodding, but watched Steve still, trying to think of what he could say.

“Loki isn’t dead,” said a female, more human voice. It wasn’t that JARVIS or whoever it was didn’t have a clear voice, but he was pretty direct and emotionless. “Tony’s just being dramatic. I thought it was pretty mean for hazing.”

“Would you rather us force him to drink our blood?” said a man whose voice he sort of recognized as Tony Stark.

“I think being friends with Steve is enough hazing,” said another guy and in response Sam noticed Steve look up at the ceiling.

Steve pushed the door open, following the unlock noise, and held it open for Sam to follow, if he still wanted. He felt like he was still being hazed in a group that he’s been in from the beginning. He wondered if he should tell Sam to turn back now, but he didn’t because he wouldn’t turn back over this sort of thing and he was sure he was about to fit right in.

“Jesus Clint,” Genna chides again, but quieter than her clarification over Loki being alive. It feels relieving to hear her voice. Not that it wasn’t relieving to hear everyone else’s, but there was something calming about her’s even as chides.

“I didn’t mean that Steve’s a bad friend. I just mean look what being friends with him did.”

The voices stayed over the coms as everyone spoke, probably because no one requested otherwise even if JARVIS was technically smart enough to know to turn it off, as Steve lead Sam over to the elevator that was already waiting for them.

“That was try-outs,” Natasha imputed and he was surprised to hear her voice. She was supposed to be out making covers for herself, but he guessed he should’ve expected she would end up back at the tower before both him and Sam instead.

“And you did astounding,” Thor added and Steve was hardly surprised he was there. He’s sure as soon as something, whatever it was, was happening with Loki, there was a pillar of light that ended with Thor on Midgard. Which is why Steve thought the lack of thunderstorms was pretty indicative that Loki survived. There was also the really cryptic letter Tony sent that said something about a Salem being alive and some details about a run in with a doctor that pissed him off and some deep seeded feeling that he wasn’t dead. But there was still doubt entering the tower that it was relieving to know there was a confirmation moments ago. “Romanoff recounted your feats and I am quite impressed.”

“Eh, he did okay,” she responded and Steve knew exactly what the casual shrug she just did looked like.

“Okay?” Sam questioned, looking up at the speaker. “You’re one of two that picked me up at the wrong floor.”

“Fury was flying, not me. Also a part of the try-outs. Jumping from buildings is a requirement.”

“You can fly, can you not?” Thor questions.

“With my flightpack.”

“Oh… perhaps I should retract my observation…”

“I think it fair to remind those present that you require Mjolnir to fly,” Loki finally chimed in, further solidifying he’s alive.

“Yes, but I am capable of other feats.”

Steve could hear Loki hum as a response and laughed lightly, turning his eyes to watch the numbers approach the common floor. The doors opened with the telltale ding and everyone, who was bantering along, stopped and directed their attention to him and Sam.

“Not for Patchy’s Eye: Why Loki isn’t a Disney Villain is trending and Disney’s pissed they can’t sue,” Clint started with, sliding back further on the arm of the chair Natasha was sitting in.

“I shoulda given Fury a better name,” Tony mused and he looked from his face then down to the hand that’s fingers were locked with Loki’s. Both were sitting on the far end of one of the couches, both and the chairs now a dark brown leather instead of the white, though, as the hand-holding indicated, it wasn’t the only major difference since almost two months ago. Maybe it’d been something Genna mentioned or alluded to in one of their Skype talks, but he couldn't remember.

“Yeah it sucks,” Sam said next to Steve, the both of them approaching the sitting area.

Tony’s eyes narrowed, his mouth opening, but Steve spoke first to avoid bickering for now, “So, what’s the plan to handle it?”

“Well, the official news is he’s dead because Hydra thinks so…” Tony glanced at Loki who was staring at the water bottle on the table in front of him, or the table itself. He couldn’t tell. “...so we’re leaving that as is for now, but the world also knows about Natasha’s past, that SHIELD originally dubbed me as unfit for the Avengers, all the places Bruce tried hiding until and including Kolkata, and… about your friend.”

Steve made eye-contact with him, but felt the eyes of various others on him too. He sat down on the couch across from him and Loki (and Thor who sat at the other end of the couch), feeling Sam sit next to him. “What are we doing about all of that?”

“I’m handling myself,” Natasha said, shrugging.

“Yeah, didn’t you say you were creating more identities for yourself?” Sam questioned.

“I am.”

“And I don’t think I’ll be going back to any of the places I hid before,” Bruce said and Steve looked over at him. He seemed to convey how unnoticed, how unworried about he wanted everyone to be, standing to the side of the couch next to Thor.

“We were planning on dealing with all of it as it comes,” Tony continued and Steve looked back to him. “SHIELD was the one with the contingency and clean up plans and before we found out Hydra was there, they were probably the most agreeable of the government agencies. Who knows who’ll try to run us next… personally I’d take EPA off the list of potential forced sutors…”

“I wouldn’t,” Clint interjected.

“But as of right now, I guess we hope we got this and remain independent.”

Tony was right in that hope, it was probably the best any of them could hope for. He wasn’t about to trust anyone beyond this room for a long time, a trust they all returned, eyes on him. Genna to his left, the chair next to Natasha and Clint’s, next to the end of the sofa where Loki and Tony occupied, appearing attached at the hands and the sides, Thor to their left looking both intent on being a part of this situation and having other things, much like Steve, to worry about, Bruce shifting his weight, but still keeping his eyes on Steve, the other two chairs containing Rhodes, who Steve only had seen occasionally, but trusting all the same because the man was there, with them, in support, and Tony trusted him, and Gus, looking placed in with the team unlike before, around to Sam at Steve’s right. All looking to him as the leader he was coming to realize, leaving him unsure if it fit, before and now, knowing more than half of his mind focused on finding Bucky.

They would know, everyone, he was searching, not being subtle and lacking obviousness enough, but he would be slow to talk about it with just anyone. He couldn’t expect everyone to understand, but not in comment on any of their characters. He didn’t have the expectation because every bit of this was complicated and it felt more natural for him to take it alone, even with Sam following right along with him as he had - so willingly - from the very beginning of their friendship.

“But, as I said, we’re taking it as it comes and nothing’s coming right now,” Tony starts, relieving Steve of his thoughts, even if he was already feeling the need to be alone with them. “Better not be. And I think we all need a team building exercise… marathoning something, pizza, chinese, cookies. You know, after we show Tweetie Part Two to his room and you get some time to get settled back in your room.” And it seemed the other man caught on to the need.

“Are you expecting me to acknowledge the bad nickname or…?” Sam questioned, but he started standing anyway, grabbing up his suitcase and backpack again.

“I mean by asking that question, aren’t you?” Tony questioned, pecking Loki on the cheek before standing, stepping around the table to Sam. Rhodey and Gus stood too, the group of four heading to the elevator. “I put you by Bruce and Loki and the month after July.”

“I don’t remember saying I was moving in.”

Tony snorted, stepping into the elevator, followed by Sam, then Rhodey, then Gus. “Too late. We adopted you.”

“You still gotta-” Sam was cut off by the door closing and Steve shook his head. He fit in so well already, but he also felt bad, almost like he forced him to be there, though he knew Sam followed willingly.

He looked from the elevator doors to find only four remained, Bruce and Loki disappearing while he hadn’t looked.

He was about to excuse himself when Natasha spoke first, “Thor? Train with Clint and me? We want time with you before you abandon us again.”

Thor chuckled. “Never abandon, only leave temporarily.”

“I’m not taking chances.” She got up and both Clint and Thor followed her to the stairs, disappearing beyond the door.

Before he had the chance to excuse himself to Genna, she spoke, “I’m glad you’re back.”

He nodded, giving her a smile, genuine even if he couldn’t help the bit of sadness that showed in it. “I am too.” He felt out of place everywhere, but there were times, frequently, where he forgot the feeling at the tower with the team.

She smiled at him back, looking down after for a couple moments, then looking back up. “You’ve probably heard that it’s not your fault and that you’ll figure out how to get him back a lot and I won’t say any of that now, but I’ll be here to say it otherwise, until you believe it.” Leaning forward, she placed her hand on his knee giving it a light squeeze, but stood before he could really react.

Shaking his head, he reached forward and grabbed her arm gently, light enough she could easily keep walking without it being an obstruction, but she stopped anyway. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted, not sure why he isn’t surprised he did.

He expects to hear something about how no one does, knowing Thor had his burdens, sure there was something still hovering after whatever happened to Loki a couple weeks ago, Natasha for all her experience and skills probably revealing to Clint alone that some of this was above her head, Tony wondering if being impulsive and cocky will catch up to him with this. He wouldn’t hate hearing that, thankful for the sentiment, but unsure if he would find comfort in it. Maybe he would if she said the words.

But that’s not what he hears, another comfort leaving her mouth instead, “And that’s okay. I still think you’ll fix what you try to.” She turned back to face him as she spoke. “It’s okay to beat yourself up, but it’s okay to care about yourself too. You can take time to sleep and let someone else figure out what you’re doing when you don’t know.”

He disconnects their gaze, looking at the table instead. “It still doesn’t feel right.”

“Does it feel good, though?”

“It feels like I could relax, maybe for a minute, maybe for an hour. I could let everyone distract me, like I just did, but… now all I’m thinking about is the wasted time.”

“Then go find him, Steve.” He looked at her, eyebrows pushing towards each other. “Go alone, take someone, find him.”

He stared at her for what could have been a minute, could have been less, felt like longer. She stared back, eyebrows softly tilted away from her nose, corners of her mouth only slightly curled toward them. She was telling him she’d go without saying it explicitly. He knew Sam would, he said it very plainly back in DC, being why he was here. Anyone would go, even Bruce who may suggest someone else at first, cite all the ways he was probably ufit only out of concern for everyone involved. He’d been wrong and selfish to think he shouldn’t expect everyone to understand.

“He could be anywhere,” he said, not as an excuse, but a warning.

She sat next to him taking his hand and he felt comforted by it. “But he’s somewhere.” And that was what Steve realized was the point. Before, he thought he was dead, now he knew he was alive, physically, and beyond the torture and brainwashing was somewhere. That’s what ate at him.

“And you can leave to find him in an hour, now, enjoy the night with everyone, or go in a week, all of it’s okay. When you go you’ll know what you’re doing.”

They were both quiet again, Steve weighing it all out. Logically, he could go whenever and his brain urged him to leave now at first then reasoned that he should stay for what Tony had planned, feel out what he was needed for here if anything at all. After that, it was only a matter of leaving.

“I think I should either go watch Thor versus Clint and Natasha or make sure Tony’s being likable to Sam.” Genna paused before kissing Steve’s cheek and standing, staying turned away as she walked slowly toward the elevator.

He felt the cheek warm up, absently touching it, looking to her to see her face, but she seemed to be hiding it. He stood, walking after her for a couple steps, then turned to head for the stairs instead, feeling a bit like he was unsure what to do with his legs.

“Uh… I think the Thor thing. Sam can handle himself, good at detecting bullshit. Plus Rhodes is there... and your brother too.”

Genna turned to face him, reaching for the button, biting her bottom lip, but nodding. “Sam’s really getting a lot thrown at him today, huh?”

“Knowing us, maybe later it’ll be literally too.” He said, letting her know he planned to stay through it in a subtle way, but also musing about the potential for tonight.

She laughed. “Hope it’s not pizza. Tony wouldn’t let us hear the end of disrespecting the best creation known to man.”

He laughed too, in response, watching her disappear into the opened elevator before he opened the door to the stairs and descended the couple floors to where his little apartment was. Truthfully, he could’ve just rode with her, but at the same time he was already being awkward enough on varying degrees as it was.

When he reached his floor, his eyes were downcast, thoughts swimming, trying to just turn his mind to unpacking the box he’d sent ahead with almost all of his belongings aside from the articles he just packed with Sam’s. His apartment had more things he cared about in it anyway because he didn’t doubt for a second that the relocation to DC was temporary. Maybe that had just been reassurance from his own will alone or just thinking that the tower was the closest to permanence he’d had since waking up. And, aside from all of that, it was so far from everything that happened in DC despite what he carried with him.

Since his eyes were on the floor, he noticed shoes first, quickly scanning all the way up to Loki’s face. He leaned against his door until they made eye-contact and pushed himself into a stand, taking a couple steps toward him and away from it.

“I know you wish to be alone so I’ll make my proposition quickly,” he began, arms to his sides.

Steve closed their distance until they were only a few feet apart, shaking his head. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you and it’s probably better to get time alone right now.”

“Oh?” He tilted his head. “Convenient, then. At least I would suppose.” Steve noticed Loki’s left hand stiffen, running his thumb along curled fingers. He hadn’t meant to make him nervous by any means.

“I just wanted to say that I’m happy you’re okay.”

“Oh.” His hand relaxed and Steve felt relief from that. He smiled too. “Thanks to Anthony… Tony. Perhaps I owe some of that credit to Dr. Banner and Dr. Strange, though I’ve wondered if that happens to be an alias everyone has told me instead.” He shook his head before he reached for the fourth button of his shirt and undid it followed by the fifth, revealing a circular blue glow Steve recognized. “It is his creation keeping my heart beating, keeping me alive.”

He turned his eyes from the device and to Loki’s face that he watched go from smiling fondly to falling bitter, eyes turning from the arc reactor to connection with Steve’s. “Which brings me to my proposition. This came from use of a poison they, Hydra, since deemed ‘god killer’ which would have been appropriate had I not endured, but this does not lessen the threat. This poison would do the very same thing to Thor, worse to any other Midgardian from what they informed me of.”

“And I’m assuming they plan on mass producing it.”

He nodded, buttoning the two buttons again. Now that Steve knew it was there, he could vaguely see the light through the shirt. “They’re in the possession of an infinity stone - which you may remember as the staff I brought with me in my initial attack - and claim to have gifted two individuals powers through it.” He took a deep breath and let it out.

“I’m unsure if answers about your friend will come from pursuing all of this, however, if you’re willing to try, I wish to show the extent of which they underestimated me.”

Steve sets his jaw, watching him. As far as he can tell, he seems genuine in offering this for his interests as much as his, also being in the interest of saving a lot of people. Still, something about it concerns him and it didn’t take him long to place what it was.

“Loki, if this is a revenge mission…” he started, but isn’t sure what else he wanted to add. He could be candid about his apprehension, but he also knew the bit he said showed enough of it.

“Don’t you wish to share in it?”

And that’s really what countered his apprehension, why he wasn’t completely for turning this all away, why he was probably solid in his decision even before he expressed apprehension.

“Do you know where we’re starting?” he asked, letting his question be his agreement. Loki nodded and opened his mouth to explain, but he shook his head. “Fill me in after everyone’s gone to bed and we’ll leave. Otherwise, it goes as the group planned tonight.”


End file.
